| Mortus Sero || Apprentice || Politician|
There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to learn another language - whatever your reasons, it's commendable. Go for it!
I don't think you're a teenager in high school anymore so the most helpless and tormenting part of your life would have passed by now. Many, many people also inflict self harm - it may not be the best way to vent stress, but you aren't alone by any means. It can be very hard to find good friends, friends who listen, friends who care, friends who intimately know you, but I think this will help. Don't be afraid to reach out to your support network, your closest friends, your family, your rolemodels. Maybe you don't need to tell them what's going on, but just spending quality time should help to bolster your confidence , get away from it for a while and thus find a new perspective, and ultimately make you feel better.
It's great to have big dreams. So many Americans don't have dreams at all, they just want "to get rich and have lots of money". Your vision is special and it can be the driving force to success. Have you been doing your homework and research on this? I think that your parents will begin to treat you more seriously when you can demonstrate a fuller knowledge of the area. You can research things like the cost of living in certain areas, how much your pay might be, how much plane tickets might be, how stables do business, inventory, stock, policies, statutes, etc, etc. If you don't already have a job, see if you can find a stable to work at. It will dip your toes into the water, and you can pick up more of these things along the way. I'm not saying that you can't or shouldn't do this - I'm saying that you absolutely can, and that you should start by picking up as much as you can.
It sounds like your parents don't really know what to do, they aren't sure what to make of your plans, if you're really serious, and maybe they don't know why you want to do these things. Your folks are going to be a big help as you continue to get older, so why not take advantage of that now? Plan out what to say to them, and have a heart-to-heart talk. Here are some tips: show them how you've been responsible and grown-up lately and point out the things that you've been doing well. Talk to them about your dreams, convey why you wish to do these things, and tell them that you're serious. Demonstrate that you're serious by telling them what you have researched, what you know, what plans you have made, or how you might start. Don't be afraid to admit the things that you don't know. Tell them what you need from them - because it sounds like they don't know - do you need support? More space? Less chores? Removal of your bedtime? More privileges? More trust? Whatever you ask for, make sure to justify it and be willing to compromise. By doing these things, you're setting up excellent communication and showing how adult you are. Sometimes parents forget that you're an adult - and when they do this and treat you like a child, it's easy to fall into the trap of acting like one, and so the cycle continues. This is what I struggled with.
Physical pain is tough to deal with. I'm sorry that you're hurting. Don't give up and keep trying to find something that works. Have you explored the possibility that you're not sleeping correctly, do you need better pillows, a firmer mattress, a better back-pillow? Have you tried stretching regularly and before your rides? Have you considered regular excercise? Take pain medication if you need it, consider a professional massage if it gets bad. You should also figure out a plan - when do you think you would like to go see your doctor about it?
Don't be discouraged, okay? Life is hard, and you're doing exceptionally well. You're in college, you're so much farther ahead of the game than everyone else. You have an awesome vision. A good household that doesn't beat or sexually abuse you, and a roof over your head. Give yourself some time to look at your past, how far you've come, and all of your personal accomplishments.
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Lycus' Extended Profile